The last couple days have been a real struggle. Emotions are high, mood swings are full blown, my healing stomach is crying out for food even though it’s not healed enough, my brain is shrinking with my body and my thought process is suffering. It’s not all negative, though! My weight is plummeting. Not just a slow drop, as I assumed, but big chunks here and there. It all seems to be coming out my mouth in the form of bad breath but at least it’s coming off. There are lots of little things that are weird and crazy and definitely TMI but I want to list them here for my memories since my mind is not reliable right now:
1.) Like I said, mood swing! Bad ones, usually a couple hours long between 2-8pm are the worst.
2.) Bad breath. So bad I even did a separate post about it.
3.) Breastfeeding is a serious emotional drain! Every day I worry about it and every day I wonder if it’s getting easier or harder and I just can’t tell. It’s pretty obvious, now, that I won’t go back to exclusive breastfeeding because my daughter loves her rice cereal at night, which I mix with formula. The rest of the feedings are generally breastfed so I’m satisfied overall but constantly worried I didn’t drink enough fluids and will dry up.
4.) No poo.. seriously, it’s been about a week with nothing. I know I’m not really eating but something should be moving, right? I get gas, though, so I’m told it’s all good.
5.) Weird aches. My jaw hurts to make saliva. Based on the bad taste in my mouth, I can’t blame it for hurting, but still, that’s weird.
6.) Fluorescent pee. Normal for the low liquids but I can glow in the dark! Still deciding if it’s gross or neat.
7.) Sleep pattern is completely trashed. This one gives me pause. I just can’t decide if it’s good or bad. I have always had trouble sleeping but now I’m out within minutes of laying my head down. But I only sleep about 5 hours (I get woken up by the toxic spit!) and then can’t get back to sleep. I have resorted to taking an hour nap in the afternoons when my little girls are asleep. I DO like having a couple hours each morning to myself before the kiddles get up and life goes into super speed!
8.) I am HUNGRY! My body is crying out for food and my stomach is as well. However, I know it’s not healed, if I eat real food now I can do some serious damage to my poor swollen and injured stomach. My husband, God bless his soul, has to talk me down off a food cliff each night. I blame him, though, eating Snickers, veggie chips and pizza in front of me all day every day!!
9.) It’s really true what other VSG people say, if you have been on the liquid pre-op and post-op diet for any amount of time than you really and truly never, ever want to see broth ever again! I didn’t drink much of it but I hate it… hate is such a strong word and yet applies perfectly.
10.) Clothing is a constant issue. My body is shedding weight and inches. I can wear some thing comfortably that I couldn’t just a week ago. But some things remain stubbornly too uncomfortable despite the inches falling off. What’s up with that?! My butt just isn’t shrinking fast enough for me, I guess.
11.) I take a boat load of vitamins because the “bariatric” multivitamins aren’t actually complete. This drives me crazy! Have you read the labels? Honestly, if you call it complete just make the thing complete. Every stinking vitamin is missing something vital. In the end, my husband and I made a list of the critical number my surgeon wanted me to hit and we went and found something chewable, gummy or small to swallow that got me the number he wanted. I now take 8 vitamins each day (plus 2-4, 1000 mg calcium carbonates as needed during the day.) This is subject to change based on my blood work number every 3 months.
12.) When not in the middle of a mood swing (see number 1) I love being with my kids more. Why? No idea but I spend more time with them and not hiding out, like before. Except when I’m in one of the mood swings, then I just try to lay low and not take out my frustrations on them. My saintly husband is another matter since he takes the brunt of it all. God bless him.
13.) I feel some sort of animosity towards my husband but not sure why. He’s been nothing but perfect. He took care of all the kids, the house, his work and everything so I could go away for a week to Mexico. He’s continued to care for the kids and even me during recovery. I feel a strain on our relationship that’s completely on my side but I don’t know why and it’s eating me up inside. Maybe I’m just borrowing trouble? An idea I’ve had before and wonder if it isn’t simmering under the surface of jealously is that he is naturally skinny. I mean, can’t put weight on even if he tries, kind of skinny and I’ve always been more than a little green because it’s the opposite of me. If I breath something I gain weight. He can eat a dozen donuts every day and NOT gain an ounce. I just went thru a lot of pain and work to lose weight and he’s still eating donuts, Snickers, pizza, veggie chips, etc. But it seems silly and I know petty to let something like that create animosity in me… I don’t know.